While I had hoped to get back for more Northwest Branch photos in the next couple days, today's snowstorm might mean a slight delay in those plans. In the meantime, a little humor emailed to me by someone currently developing a new desert bouldering area out west. Although I found his misfortune amusing enough to repost here, I'll at least do him the favor of letting him stay anonymous!
Step 1 - Find spherical boulder on top of hill, preferably one where the
only holds are widely spaced 1/4 inch crimpers and a very sharp three finger
solution pocket. Be sure that there are large slabs of rock surrounding the
Step 2 - Clear the landing zone and place your pad. Don't worry about those
Step 3 - Test your holds. Three finger pocket - check, sharp but bomber. 1st
crimper - nope that sounds hollow. Second crimper - check, that's solid.
Foothold - check, waist high and big enough to get half a toe on.
Step 4 - Mentally climb the route
Step 5 - Apply light layer of powdered courage to your fingertips
Step 6 - With your eyes focused on your goal, place hands on starter holds.
Toe in place. Wait! Put your right hand on the 1st crimper. The bad one
Step 7 - Weight the holds
Step 8 - Begin dynamic move towards your next hold.
Step 9 - Right crimper explodes.
Step 10 - Launch out and away from the rock leaving copious amounts of DNA
behind from the fingers on your left hand in the solution pocket.
Step 11 - Stick the landing. Utilizing only the small of your back, make
contact with the crash pad. The rest of your back, to include your neck,
should land on the slab I told you not to worry about earlier.
Step 12 - Follow through - utilizing your head as a pivot point, launch
backwards, downhill through the air and land on a second slab on your hands
and knees. I highly recommend wearing a LNT ball cap for this maneuver as it
provided adequate protection in this instance.
Step 13 - Control bleeding by returning flap of skin to its original
Step 14 - Pack up pad and find an easier boulder